Self-Care 2.0 for working moms

A question I often hear especially from mothers or caregivers is how to integrate consistent self-care.

You know you need it, you know you want more of it, but you don’t know where to start. In the mornings, the kids take priority, you hustle through your workday and in the evening you are prioritizing the kids again, until they are in bed when you just fall onto the sofa. Tired. Exhausted. Or you even work more. Does this sound like you?

Since becoming a mom, self-care has taken a back seat on my priority list. And it’s completely natural, since our entire focus is to care for our little ones. Yet I got to a point where I felt like I was constantly running around and even worse, I got short tempered and had very little patience. Triggers and stressors pushed me over the edge and anger and fear were creeping in.

I had moments when I actually didn’t even feel like myself anymore.

Anyone can relate?

So when there was another moment of me getting pushed over that edge, and anger taking over, I decided, THAT’S ENOUGH. I need to get back to my self-care routine. Because I don’t particularly like this version of myself.

So here’s what I learned while pulling myself out of the hamster wheel of work.mom.sleep.repeat.

1.     It all starts with self-love.

yes. that’s right. This is not a woo woo concept. This is the skill that you need to be a great leader, a great parent, a great human being. Self-Love means you have an appreciation, affinity and positive regard for yourself. It is closely related to self-esteem and self-compassion. When you have a strong sense of self-love, you understand your own value and treat yourself in a loving way. In other words, do you always find time for the things you love? Yes, you do. Love yourself enough to make time for your yourself. And prioritize your self-care.

As perfectionists, you and I are at a higher risk of illnesses, both physical and mental, and that’s where self-compassion can help. Self-compassion is closely linked to self-love.

When I am getting really obsessed about getting something right, and want to make sure that every little detail is perfect, I usually feel worse as time progresses. I never get it right. It’s never going to be perfect. I am never going to be perfect. Perfectionism had my sense of self-worth decrease quite a bit. And it probably did the same to you!

So let’s talk Self-Compassion.

There are 3 key components as per Prof. Neff Sbarra

self-kindness (treating oneself with understanding and forgiveness), 

recognition of one’s place in shared humanity (acknowledgment that people are not perfect and that personal experiences are part of the larger human experience), 

mindfulness (emotional equanimity and avoidance of overidentification with painful emotions).”

I learned that listening to myself is important, especially in times of emotional distress. Creating a pause and asking myself the question:   “What do I need?” and “How do I want to experience this moment?” — and listening mindfully to the answer — helped me to move from reaction to response. And with that practice self-compassion.

2. Do more of what makes your heart sing

Did you ever google “self-care routines” or “best self-care practices”? You’ll find a list of activities that you are supposed to integrate into your life. Ideally you get up at 5am, meditate, work out and then your kids get up.

I don’t know about you, but I’m usually happy when my child doesn’t get up too early and I can sneak in a couple more minutes in bed.

I’m challenging conventional self-care recommendations, and would like to invite you to do the same. Self-care is very individual and we all need different things to keep our vibrations high and not get sucked into the mental load, the mom guilt and other concepts that lower our perceived self-worth.

I’d like to think about the activities that make my heart sing, that raise my vibrations - or balance my vibrations. For me that’s listening to inspiring podcasts, a quick 10 minute yoga practice, journaling, cooking, spending time with my family, being out in nature and breathing.

What makes your heart sing?

3. Respond to stressors mindfully

Even when we integrate all of the above, life continues and we can’t avoid stress. As soon as we sense conflict, stress, overwhelm, our lizard brain kicks in. Fear and anger rise up, we get defensive and we double down on being right. You’re with me here?

There’s an interesting concept from the Conscious Leadership Group that I’d like to share. Essentially they talk about the concept of being above or below the line. So imagine a line, when you are above the line you are open, curious and committed to learn. When you are below the line, you are closed, defensive and committed to being right.

In our example above, when fear and anger rise up and we get defensive, we are firmly below the line. Knowing that you are below the line is more important than always being above the line.

So how do we respond to stressors:

Pause.

Reflect.

Reframe. Ask yourself, how do I want to experience this moment

Respond.

Stressors won’t go away, but with a more robust practice and self-care routine, you can navigate them and overcome them. They become smaller.

If this approach resonates with you, share it with your friends and follow me on Instagram for more tips on self-care and living life unapologetically authentic.

You want to dive deeper, get your FREE guide to self-care HERE

About the author

Miriam Lesa is a multi-dimensional certified soul & life coach for women, nutritionist and yoga teacher, practicing the art of slow living since almost 10 years. Her heart is at the intersection between wellbeing, motherhood and business.

Attuned to corporate life and navigating C-Suite for 15 years, yet deeply grounded in peace, intuition and connections, she is deeply passionate about supporting women, especially working moms to access their inner compass to ignite their strength and live a life in abundance.

Born and raised in Germany, Miriam now lives with her husband and son in Toronto since 2018.